As I shared a wonderful seder with friends and family, I had the opportunity to reflect on seders from a time gone by. Some of the memories are mundane such as the preparation: I remember in a pre-food processor world grinding the horseradish by hand. Each of us would work until our tearing eyes could take no more and then we'd hand off the horseradish root to the next in line.
For some the essence of the seder is the food with much of the evening devoted to arguing about either the best matsah balls ever or the worst ones ever.
Most Jews still have seders and notice that the text of the Hagaddah says, "he who has not mentioned the following three things has not had a proper seder." The text then lists the Paschal sacrifice, the matsah and the bitter herbs. And while that is well and good, I say: "he who has not included the following three things has not had a proper seder:
For some of us, the seder is new, by virtue of not having grown up in a Jewish home. For others, the seder is new because seders were not part of their family's tradition.
Just following Passover, I am told stories about seders. Many people have told me how much they miss grandpa's seder. One person related how the children were loud at the table and grandpa as if in a trance, led the seder as though nothing else was happening. He went on to say that as an adult, he now understands that grandpa really was making the spiritual trip of the seder from Egypt to freedom. And now, he can understand and share in grandpa's trip.
In my parent's home, I learned, among other things how to lead a seder. In college, I never had to worry about the cooking or the preparation. I had learned the valuable skill of leading the seder and as a result, my friends always gave me on pass on prep and clean up. And throughout my adult life, I have continued to lead at more than 95% of the seders of my adult life.
Leading a seder isn't hard and if enough of you ask, a "Seder 101" course will be available next year. A few years ago I started bringing some beanie baby seder characters to thye community seder. The first year they were a novelty. The second year they were a tradition. How do I know that? Because I forgot to bring them the third year and someone asked why I hadn't brought them. If you have no family traditions today, do the same thing for the next two years and you will discover that you now have family traditions!
Why am I telling you this a few weeks after Passover? For some of us, it is to put in perspective what we experienced and for others, it's a challenge to learn a new skill between now and next Passover.
Joshua L. Segal
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